Friday, February 13, 2004
Tonedeaf
Thinkin back to all the things
That I’ve done in my life,
I can’t keep running down that road,
I can’t just run and hide.
Thoughts of passion brought me down,
But the past I cannot change.
Tomorrow just keeps coming on;
I gotta fix the world today.
And how to get back to that place
That I know I should be?
I’ll write a song and sing along
But I’ll still be out of key.
Somewhere there’s an answer
And reason is my means;
Earn don’t yearn I’ve got to learn
My mind is all I need.
Turn the page and drive away
Thoughts you cannot win.
Open the door don’t fear no more;
Tomorrow work begins.
I’ll put to rest forever
Emotions that negate;
Won’t play the fool now I’ve got the tool
I’ve turned my back on fate.
And how to get back to that place
That I know I should be?
I’ll write a song and sing along.
But I’ll still be out of key.
Somewhere there’s an answer
And reason is my means;
Earn don’t yearn I’ve got to learn
My mind is all I need.
Reason’s comin to me
And I’ve got a lot to say.
I’ll bring the smile back to your face,
And I won’t go away,
And I won’t go away.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Thinkin back to all the things
That I’ve done in my life,
I can’t keep running down that road,
I can’t just run and hide.
Thoughts of passion brought me down,
But the past I cannot change.
Tomorrow just keeps coming on;
I gotta fix the world today.
And how to get back to that place
That I know I should be?
I’ll write a song and sing along
But I’ll still be out of key.
Somewhere there’s an answer
And reason is my means;
Earn don’t yearn I’ve got to learn
My mind is all I need.
Turn the page and drive away
Thoughts you cannot win.
Open the door don’t fear no more;
Tomorrow work begins.
I’ll put to rest forever
Emotions that negate;
Won’t play the fool now I’ve got the tool
I’ve turned my back on fate.
And how to get back to that place
That I know I should be?
I’ll write a song and sing along.
But I’ll still be out of key.
Somewhere there’s an answer
And reason is my means;
Earn don’t yearn I’ve got to learn
My mind is all I need.
Reason’s comin to me
And I’ve got a lot to say.
I’ll bring the smile back to your face,
And I won’t go away,
And I won’t go away.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Shannon where are you tonight?
My life has fallen in a shade of gray
Baby help me to get things right
Shannon where are you tonight?
Don’t fall asleep in my arms
Walk me to the break of dawn
Open your eyes and lets swim in the sea
Shannon bring back your charms
Shannon why’d you go away
Come break my heart another day
Love me with your golden sun
There’s so many things I wish I could say.
Shannon my heart’s grown sour
And baby boats are floating by
Stand with me in the midnight hour
Shannon let me back in your tower.
Shannon where are you tonight?
My life has fallen in a shade of gray
Baby help me to get things right
Shannon where are you tonight?
Don’t fall asleep in my arms
Walk me to the break of dawn
Open your eyes and lets swim in the sea
Shannon bring back your charms
Shannon why’d you go away
Come break my heart another day
Love me with your golden sun
There’s so many things I wish I could say.
Shannon my heart’s grown sour
And baby boats are floating by
Stand with me in the midnight hour
Shannon let me back in your tower.
Shannon where are you tonight?
Tuesday, February 10, 2004
Editor's Note: The content below is related to characters in my personal life, which you may or may not (if you're lucky) know. For the purposes of understanding the story, Shad is a friend of mine who always seems to find injury, in whatever he does. So when he completed a grueling marathon without pain, I was startled. As was Amanda, who suggested as much. Also, Mahbod is Iranian. It will be clear why I just told you that in a few moments...
Finding Jesus
After reading about the tragedy regarding Shad's inexplicable 26 mile run with no injury, I heeded Amanda's advice and sought to find Jesus.
I am happy to inform you that I have. It turns out that deep in my heart, the heart of my home, there he was. He was sitting in the basement.
He's still sitting there, mildly decayed, of course, but otherwise fairly intact. I'm still not quite sure how he got there, but sure enough, he's there. He's also talking, which confuses me, because on appearance, he seems to be quite dead, and there is an odor that violently assaults all of my senses.
Jesus stinks.
But I made it through the stench and had a good talk with the Christ. It would seem that he too, heard of the misfortune on the shores of the Lake, and was summoned by his dad to come back down for the battle that will ensue.
He was a bit taken aback, needless to say, by what then happened. Through some glitch in the celestial transporter, he was put back into his old body, which sort of resembles Mahbod, in a decaying, skinny, sort of way.
This presents many problems for him; his smell is rather hard to take, and his appearance creates problems in two ways: first, he lacks skin in several places, and that combined with the stench in disenchanting. Being touched by the Lord can be a very bad thing now, my friends. Two, he resembles a terrorist, and he said he has already had a couple problems with customs.
Getting the word out, he says, is why he's here, and now he can't do that. We must prepare the divine army, gather the virtuous, destroy the sinners, and organize an all-night rave before he's called back home. Jesus regretted having missed the 60s and 90s, and is in general a little sore of the restrictions of his overbearing parents. "Yeah," he said, "Dad's been a bit of a bastard lately. Him and mom haven't been getting along too well. She keeps bitching that he's never there, too busy working on other things and not devoting any time to her. Then he'll get pissed off, and slam the Pearly Gates and storm out. Where he goes I don't know. But after one fight in particular, he left, and was gone for several years. He was gone during the whole Inquisition. Me and Paul have been speculating that that whole fiasco was because mom still wasn't putting out. But that's another story. I just wanna have a little fun - you'd think me, of all people would be entitled to just one night to lose myself in sex and drugs! It's not that I don't care, or anything, I do, just one night, that's all I'm asking."
He went on and on for a while, bitching and moaning about his life. He was just on a rant for a little bit, and I let him talk. He needed to get it out of his system, and as I don't have a job, I had the time to be there for him. So he talked for a few days, and then finally got back on track, to the original problem - that he can't get the word out because of his appearance. He said he needed someone to do it for him - he'd be back there, always there for support and whatnot, but he needed a frontman to be there in his stead. And he asked me to do it.
I am now the Proxy Christ.
So in the coming weeks and months, we will need to get prepared. He has asked that you follow me, singing always, as you follow, "I Will Follow Him." I will begin delegating jobs to each of you to get the ball rolling. A lot of care needs to be taken, in each event, even the rave. I'm starting to like the decaying old chap, and I want him to have a good time on his last night.
He did confirm something we've long suspected:
Shad is the anti-Christ.
He said they were pretty sure for a long time - they began suspecting he was the bad guy as soon as he took the moniker of Shad instead of Chad - an obvious rejection of Christ - choosing S for Satan over the C for Christ. Mark and Luke were apparently working overtime on it for a long time. Jesus said they appeared to be doing well in keeping him contained - "We almost got him in India!", he said. "We thought the scooter plan was failsafe, but we were wrong."
And with the recent occurence in the marathon, it became evident his power was growing, and he needed to be stopped. He is becoming dangerous.
And so, good friends (except Shad), join me, (and Jesus) in the battle to come. We'll even have a good time doing it.
Yours always,
John the Proxy Christ
Finding Jesus
After reading about the tragedy regarding Shad's inexplicable 26 mile run with no injury, I heeded Amanda's advice and sought to find Jesus.
I am happy to inform you that I have. It turns out that deep in my heart, the heart of my home, there he was. He was sitting in the basement.
He's still sitting there, mildly decayed, of course, but otherwise fairly intact. I'm still not quite sure how he got there, but sure enough, he's there. He's also talking, which confuses me, because on appearance, he seems to be quite dead, and there is an odor that violently assaults all of my senses.
Jesus stinks.
But I made it through the stench and had a good talk with the Christ. It would seem that he too, heard of the misfortune on the shores of the Lake, and was summoned by his dad to come back down for the battle that will ensue.
He was a bit taken aback, needless to say, by what then happened. Through some glitch in the celestial transporter, he was put back into his old body, which sort of resembles Mahbod, in a decaying, skinny, sort of way.
This presents many problems for him; his smell is rather hard to take, and his appearance creates problems in two ways: first, he lacks skin in several places, and that combined with the stench in disenchanting. Being touched by the Lord can be a very bad thing now, my friends. Two, he resembles a terrorist, and he said he has already had a couple problems with customs.
Getting the word out, he says, is why he's here, and now he can't do that. We must prepare the divine army, gather the virtuous, destroy the sinners, and organize an all-night rave before he's called back home. Jesus regretted having missed the 60s and 90s, and is in general a little sore of the restrictions of his overbearing parents. "Yeah," he said, "Dad's been a bit of a bastard lately. Him and mom haven't been getting along too well. She keeps bitching that he's never there, too busy working on other things and not devoting any time to her. Then he'll get pissed off, and slam the Pearly Gates and storm out. Where he goes I don't know. But after one fight in particular, he left, and was gone for several years. He was gone during the whole Inquisition. Me and Paul have been speculating that that whole fiasco was because mom still wasn't putting out. But that's another story. I just wanna have a little fun - you'd think me, of all people would be entitled to just one night to lose myself in sex and drugs! It's not that I don't care, or anything, I do, just one night, that's all I'm asking."
He went on and on for a while, bitching and moaning about his life. He was just on a rant for a little bit, and I let him talk. He needed to get it out of his system, and as I don't have a job, I had the time to be there for him. So he talked for a few days, and then finally got back on track, to the original problem - that he can't get the word out because of his appearance. He said he needed someone to do it for him - he'd be back there, always there for support and whatnot, but he needed a frontman to be there in his stead. And he asked me to do it.
I am now the Proxy Christ.
So in the coming weeks and months, we will need to get prepared. He has asked that you follow me, singing always, as you follow, "I Will Follow Him." I will begin delegating jobs to each of you to get the ball rolling. A lot of care needs to be taken, in each event, even the rave. I'm starting to like the decaying old chap, and I want him to have a good time on his last night.
He did confirm something we've long suspected:
Shad is the anti-Christ.
He said they were pretty sure for a long time - they began suspecting he was the bad guy as soon as he took the moniker of Shad instead of Chad - an obvious rejection of Christ - choosing S for Satan over the C for Christ. Mark and Luke were apparently working overtime on it for a long time. Jesus said they appeared to be doing well in keeping him contained - "We almost got him in India!", he said. "We thought the scooter plan was failsafe, but we were wrong."
And with the recent occurence in the marathon, it became evident his power was growing, and he needed to be stopped. He is becoming dangerous.
And so, good friends (except Shad), join me, (and Jesus) in the battle to come. We'll even have a good time doing it.
Yours always,
John the Proxy Christ
